


From The Heart

by WhisperOfWarmth



Series: Fodder for the Future [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), kylux - Fandom
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Armitage Hux - Freeform, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren Fluff, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brendol Hux - Freeform, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Domestic Fluff, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gay Male Character, Gentle Kissing, Getting Back Together, Hearing Voices, Heart Attacks, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kissing, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylux - Freeform, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Multiple Voices, Post-Break Up, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Romantic Fluff, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Short & Sweet, Short Story, Soft Kylux, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) - Freeform, Sweet Kylux, breaking up, same-sex relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 02:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperOfWarmth/pseuds/WhisperOfWarmth
Summary: It was over.It was over, because Hux SAID it was over.But he took his companionship and his love away from Kylo Ren without so much as an explanation. And that doesn't sit well with Ren, at all.Employing a variety of Force-relayed tactics, Kylo consistently presses into Hux's mind, making his presence felt at all hours of the day and night, in an attempt to win Hux back to him.But unbeknownst to him, he's up against a greater force, and a stronger Voice, that's been a part of Hux's psyche for far longer than either man is truly aware of.





	From The Heart

_Hux._

Hux didn't move, didn't change his position or his facial expression. He didn't even pause in the current conversation he was holding. This had become commonplace for him over the past several months, hearing the Voice of his former lover in his mind. Hearing him, and, just recently, feeling him, as well.

He was standing on the bridge of the Finalizer, speaking quietly with one of his Lieutenants, and observing the squads marching below them.

As he spoke, he felt it again; the very clear, very REAL sensation, of a hand wrapping around his own. He ached with the desire to curl his own fingers around the presence of the invisible ones, but held himself back. He crossed his arms over his chest, subtly shaking out the fingers of the hand in question as he did so, trying to rid himself of the feeling.

It was still there.

_You can't continue to ignore me, and you can't continue to pretend that you feel nothing for me._

It was within his power to mentally answer the Voice back, but it was a power that Hux did not want to engage in. His relationship with the owner of the Voice had been unprofessional, foolish, and confusing.

He had allowed himself to feel much more than he ever intended, and for that, he was eternally regretful. It went against his nature, to allow himself to be overcome with emotion, with the undoubtedly false feeling of . . .

_You told me once, when you were young, that your father told you that love was the ultimate expression of weakness. My Uncle told me the same thing. We're ill-equipped, you and I, to deal with a thing of this magnitude._

Hux closed his eyes and focused, trying his hardest to push the Voice from his mind. He had broken it off with the owner, almost as abruptly as it had started. 

Coming to his senses, was what he called it.

Fear, was what the Voice called it.

Fear, and a refusal to --

_Acknowledging me doesn't take away from your strength. I love you, Armitage Hux. Accepting that what we had was valid, and REAL, doesn't make you any less of a leader. Or of a man. You love me, and you're afraid of that. Afraid of me, afraid of US._

Now Hux felt like two arms wrapped around him tightly, hugging him. The owner of the Voice was standing to his left, speaking with a stormtrooper. The intensity of the arms around him did not lessen, the feeling did not fade away.

Yet rather than a sense of comfort, the ethereal embrace did little to assuage his anguish. It was a duality of pain, and peace. Everything he ever wanted versus the one thing that terrified him more than anything.

"General. Please have one of your assistants bring me the report on my ship maintenance within the hour," the Voice spoke out-loud, still standing next to him, but not turning in his direction.

"Very well, Lord Ren."

Hux turned to leave, walking along to his office. The further away he got from Kylo, the deeper the pain in his chest.

_I feel it, too._

Now the longing was pushing at him from all sides, replacing the air in his lungs, dulling the muscles in his legs, making it seem impossible to breath, to continue walking away.

He was within a second of turning back around, going back for Kylo, when another voice spoke into his mind, this one strong, and impossible to ignore.

**Still the weak-minded son you've always been, eh, Armitage? Just LOOK at yourself; pining like a silly schoolgirl over that man. Man? No; more like a child. A child who can't control his emotions, or his temper. A child who makes foolish, rash decisions. THAT'S who you're standing here, ready to cry over? You, General of the First Order? Pathetic. Utterly useless.**

Unlike the other Voice, which he wouldn't answer, this one he felt compelled to defend himself from.

"I'm not weak, and I'm not useless," he hissed to himself in a whisper, clenching his fists. He had reached his quarters, and he let himself in, immediately going to his knees when the door slid shut behind him. 

He was exhausted, in every sense of the word.

And that pain was still clenching his chest.

Exhausted, yet refusing to yield.

"And you want to talk about 'weak'? I can think of nothing so weak as to allow myself to be killed by a stormtrooper, and a female one at that. Not that I hold women in the same contemptuous view that you do, but still. If you had taken her for the threat she was, you would still be alive, wouldn't you? And Phasma wouldn't be walking around wearing the metal from your personal ship as armor."

He thought that would be enough to silence the voice, but no. It piped back up again, angrily gleeful.

**See? You prove my point. Useless. Not even man enough to kill me yourself, but resorting to ordering your Captain to do it. I suppose that's one point on which I can grade your 'boyfriend' positively; HE was bold enough to look his father in the eye, and do away with him, himself. You'll never know what it is, to be a real man. Too thin, too pale, with no backbone. Perhaps you should go back to Lord Ren; I'm sure he'd have use for a wife like you.**

Hux laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. He was sweating now, and his face had gone several  
shades paler. Whatever pain was in his chest had magnified, making it impossible to focus, and barely possible to breathe.

Indigestion, he thought to himself. That tauntaun belly I had earlier must not be sitting well with me.

**Sick again? Ridiculous. Always something physically wrong with you, isn't there? Just like when you were a boy. Are you ever going to grow up, Armitage? Will you ever truly be a --**

Hux cut the voice off, hard, in his head. 

Something was actually wrong with him, he could feel that. His entire left side felt like it was locking up, and breathing was an almost non-existent luxury for him.

He turned his head slowly to the right. His datapad was sitting on the shelf above his head, what seemed like miles away.

He did the only thing he could think of.

Kylo, he thought fiercely, intently. Kylo, I need your help, now. I need --

That was the last thing he could remember thinking, before he passed out entirely.

. . . . . .

He came to very slowly, opening eyes that felt weighted down with metal and squinting against the horrid brightness of the room.

As weak as he was, he was still aware enough to sense the presence in the room. It was sitting to the left of him; if he turned his head, he would see it.

Instead, he carefully, cautiously turned himself over on his side, to the right. Doing this enabled him to look out the window. The shades were still up despite the growing dark outside. 

"What are you dong here?", he asked after a few silent moments.

"I came to check on you. As your fellow commander, it's my responsibility."

"You've checked on me. I'm fine. I'll be back on my feet by tomorrow morning. You can leave."

"You COULD show some gratitude, Hux. I saved your life. You almost died, you know."

"Died? From indigestion?"

"Indigestion?!", came the response, loud, angry. "More like a heart attack!"

Hux could hear the sound of the chair scraping back, and Him getting to his feet. Hux sighed in relief, thinking he was finally getting what he asked for.

No such luck.

Instead, He slowly came into his line of sight, carrying His chair with Him, which He placed in front of the window. He sat, hands on His knees, looking at Hux.

"You think you'll be back on your feet by tomorrow morning? No. Do you realize the extent of what happened, Hux? Do you? You had a _massive_ heart attack. You nearly DIED. You've been unconscious for three days, now. You WON'T be back on your feet tomorrow, you'll be lucky to be back on your feet within a month."

Hux took a full, careful look at himself. The bandaids wrapped around his chest, the monitor attached to his left arm. The horrible soreness all over his body.

Nevertheless, he merely met Kylo's observations with a shrug.

"Tomorrow morning, a week, a month; regardless of the time frame, you being present is not expediting my recovery any. Leave."

"I have the outside doors guarded. The medical droids are the only personnel allowed in here, and they're not permitted for another hour. You and I, we're going to talk."

Hux closed his eyes, feeling another onslaught of pain hit him full in the chest. He bit his lip, and waited for it to pass, before answering.

"It seems to me you've already done enough speaking to last you for quite a while, Lord Ren. Verbally or mentally, I'm not interested in any more of your words. Thank you, for saving my life. I mean that sincerely. But it doesn't change things. I told you, it's over. I'm sorry, but it is."

"Why?"

"Once again, I've told you --"

"No. I don't want to hear any of your pre-conceived speech, your exhaustive list of reasons why what we had could not last. I want to hear the TRUTH, and I want to hear it from your mouth. And I won't leave you alone, until you do."

Hux groaned; Kylo wearing down at his mentality did little to soothe his physical condition, which had, in the space of these last few moments, graduated from uncomfortable, to agonizing.

"If you feel it necessary to attack me," Hux said slowly, through gritted teeth, "Perhaps you'd have enough decency to wait until my entire body isn't a screaming hotbed of torment?"

Kylo shook his head and stood up, crossing his arms over his chest and turning his back to Hux, staring out the window. When he finally spoke, it was in the voice of someone with a mere fingernail-hold on his anger.

"Decency? You got up in the middle of the night, and left my bed. No words, no explanations. You picked yourself up, and you were gone. Do you think THAT doesn't create a 'steaming hotbed of torment', as you so poetically put it?"

"Screaming. _Screaming_ , not 'steaming'. If you're going to launch my own words at me, the least you can do is get them right."

Kylo stood there, shaking. His anger had reached that point of real, critical danger - - yet Hux was in too much pain to care.

"You don't think that you're far too weak, to be fighting me right --"

"I'M **NOT** WEAK!" Hux roared at him, jerking himself into a sitting position. He stood up and walked towards Ren, his fists clenched, the veins on his neck and arms standing out. His eyes spit cold green fire. Ren backed away into the wall, legitimately scared. He had never seen this level of rage in Hux before.

"There is NOTHING weak about me! Take back your words before I make you eat them, you son of a --"

"Okay, calm down. Please, calm down," Ren pleaded with him, still looking terrified. "I'm sorry. Please, get back into bed. You shouldn't be standing like this!"

Hux immediately calmed himself, then turned and wordlessly got back into bed. Kylo stayed where he was a few moments longer, then sat back in the chair.

He pulled his chair closer, directly up to Hux's bedside, and this time, the redhead felt powerless to look away.

"You hurt me. You hurt me, and I don't react well to being hurt. I kriffing LOVE you, Hux. No matter what you say, or do, or how you act, it won't change that."

Hux looked away, feeling Kylo's pain.

"You know what it is to be hurt. Do you also know what it's like to have a voice in your head, constantly wearing you down, telling you that everything you're doing in life, EVERYTHING, is wrong? Including your relationship?"

Kylo looked at him in surprise, then nodded. "I do, actually. I have three voices in mine: my grandfather, Snoke, and my father. Constantly."

Now he said, timidly, "The -- the voice you hear. It's your father's, isn't it?"

Hux nodded reluctantly.

"Oh, Maker, Hux. I wish you had told me that sooner. I could have helped. I could teach you how to block, how to, well, to get your OWN voice back."

"Voice or not, I still don't see what it is you see in me. I'm nothing; just a skinny ginger with a loud voice in a General's uniform. You're -- you're -- you're so much better than me. You DESERVE so much better, than me."

Kylo reached out and gently smoothed Hux's hair back from his forehead.

"I think you're beautiful, Hux. Not just this, not just your outside. The look in your eyes when you're furious with me. That poem you recited for me, that your mother read to you as a child. The freckles on your hips. You, are BEAUTIFUL."

Before he could stop himself, before he could press the words back into his mouth, Hux blurted out,

"You're scaring me. Being close to someone the way I'm close to you, scares me. I guess my father was right; I AM a kriffing coward."

"Being afraid of something doesn't make you a coward; _running_ from it does."

Ren delicately crawled onto the small cot with Hux, being as careful as he could not to jar his body. He wrapped his arms around him and drew his head down on his chest.

"You can't run from me any more, do you understand? Being apart is more painful than anything I can think of. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of you being hurt."

Hux could no longer resist him. He wrapped his own arms around Kylo, sobbing, his face buried against the side of Hux's neck.

Kylo held him, patting his back, his own tears spilling from his eyes.

A rattle at the door, and Admiral Ulna was in the room, approaching the scene before him with caution, and confusion.

Hux, however, made no move to separate himself from Kylo's arms.

And Kylo made no move to let him go.

"Ah, forgive my intrusion, General, Lord Ren; I thought I'd take it upon myself to come and check on your well-being."

Hux lifted his head and looked the embarrassed man in the eye.

"I'm doing much better, Ulna. Thank you for your concern."

Ulna hurriedly bowed before them, and left.

When the door slid shut behind him, Hux buried his face deeper in Kylo's shirt and muttered, his voice muffled,

"I can't read minds, but; can I assume he was bursting to get out of here, to tell people what he just saw?"

Kylo took a deep breath, and nodded.

"Your assumption is correct. Should I--do you want me to --?"

Hux shook his head, and tightened his grip around Kylo.

"No. It's high time we stopped hiding this."

**You just let one of your subordinates see you like this: sick, weak, and crying in another man's arms. Every day, in every way, you make me more and more ashamed, to --**

Shut up, Hux thought into his own mind, with a smile. Just because YOU died bitter and alone doesn't mean I'M going to, old man.

Kylo kissed his forehead, and Hux could feel that his lips were curved into their beautiful half-grin that Hux savored in their owner.

"It's very late, do you want me to leave?"

Hux clutched at him with shaky fingers, pulling him close and covering his face with frantic kisses.

Kylo smiled and closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of Hux's lips.

"But Hux, this cot is so tiny, so uncomfortable," Kylo fake-whined, teasing Hux.

Hux just smiled and pulled him closer.

"You're staying with me anyway. And after this, when I'm well again, you're going to move in with me."

"Really?!", Kylo exclaimed excitedly. "Are you sure you want that?"

"I want you. That's the only thing I'm 100 percent sure of in this life. And any person, or voice, that wants to disagree with that can go straight to hell."

"I'm not going to lie, Hux, I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now. If I didn't think it would make your heart explode, I'd take advantage of you right now."

Hux smiled and began kissing him. "An exploded heart sounds like a small price to pay, for such pleasure," he said softly.

Kylo gently but firmly held Hux off, and tucked the blanket tighter around them.

"When you're better, not before. I promise."

Hux groaned and settled down. "Fine, fine. Go to sleep, then. And Kylo?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."


End file.
